


Are you happier where you are now?

by fortuitousVisionary



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-18
Updated: 2012-11-18
Packaged: 2017-11-18 22:25:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/565933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortuitousVisionary/pseuds/fortuitousVisionary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As much as you’ve changed, you plaster your toothy smile on your face. You log off of your computer, but not pester chum, you had the mobile edition—you never know, the trolls might manage to contact you again, part of you hoped. All of you still hoped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Are you happier where you are now?

**Author's Note:**

> Have a very Johnkat Christmas~  
> ♋  
> This isn't quite finished by any means, and most likely I'll be drawing something as a gift instead, but I figure it'd be worth posting what I had attempted to write...
> 
> Also, this is also partially inspired by listening to Karkat Write a Letter.

Wasting the days since SGRUB/Cultures cash

Although it has been a few years since the end of a game known as SBURB, you haven’t been the same since then. This might’ve been true for the others. But, only for the first year or so. Gradually, the three of them – Jade, Rose, and Dave, had managed to adapt back into everyday life. Like it was before the game. Before the haunting memories. Before being forced to grow up too fast. Before…. him.

Don’t get yourself wrong. Your name is John Egbert, prankster extraordinaire, and aspiring scientist. Thus far your high school career has been… interesting, or something like that.  You’re John Egbert and no, you don’t have any feelings for anybody. Especially not trolls with horns of the nubby variety. After all, you swore you’d get other that when the game ended.

You have your life. He has his. Karkat Vantas wouldn’t  possibly like you anyways… not that you’ve seen each other for a while, a long while, longer than a while.

To begin with, you thought this over. Many times. The hours. The minutes. The seconds. They’re all countless, all useless, all a waste of time. And you know it.

Even though the self-loathing, shorter than you, you might add, troll had failed at making you his kismesis…. why would you matter to him at all now? Wherever he is.

Your name is John Egbert. You don’t think there’s anything that special about you. Average grades, slightly better in science, and surprisingly, English. Same bucked teeth. Same personality… but, no, not really you decide. Not really.

Maybe before you would’ve been able to brush this all off. Except, you grew up. Except, all of you grew up… you just couldn’t leave the memories behind. Sometimes you forget the first time you saw Dave, after the game ended, with bloodshot eyes. While not from crying, as he they’re naturally that colour, you couldn’t help be suspicious. But, you knew you weren’t any better and let it drop. Even though he seemed to want to say more to you. And you could read his expression, shades or not. Without them, no he wasn’t an open book, but you could tell something was up. Just not what.

Actually, that had been Christmas a few years ago. You figure if the trolls haven’t shown up now, when will they ever? You block images of his peculiar voice and slight scowl, never quite a smile, usually and the contours of his face and his black nest of hair and… wait a minute, you shake your head, you blocked those out.

And while you haven’t cried in a while. You’re John Egbert, damn it, and you would never let your friends worry about you that way. Somewhere, at one point in time, the Heir of Breath fought through that game with the Knight, the Witch, and the Seer. The courage that it took… you’ve been trying to rekindle it. …. while you haven’t cried in a while, you get more dispirited than you used to. You forget how Dave looked that Christmas years ago. Actually, he gave you a funny look when the first thing you thought of bringing up were the trolls.

Didn’t he miss Terezi? He gave you a Strider smile at that, read: code for not really a smile. Even though he seemed to brush aside the troll closest to him, Karkat was a different story. Well, it was more like you let him pretend he wasn’t misty eyed…. but it wouldn’t be fair, the game, while not a taboo subject amongst the four of you – more like fond memories, deep down all of you searched for the personality and traits and characteristics of them, the trolls, in the world around you. In reality. A reality that probably wouldn’t accept any notion of SBURB. Of anything that occurred that April 13th. You’ve kept it to yourselves all this time. Your guardians had only a faint, blurred idea of it. Just enough for them to leave you all alone.

A tacit agreement had eventually grown, nightmares would be met without questions, and when the others were over, names such as Karkat and Terezi and Gamzee and Feferi and Kankri and Cronus— your trolls, and their dancestors, wouldn’t be questioned.

Anyways, drowning in the memories of… something, your thoughts flicker back to how Dave reacted when all that was on your mind was Karkat. Everything was Karkat this and Karkat that. You expected him to make a snide comment, but he only said “Not a homosexual, huh.”

It was weird for your best bro to talk to you that way, but maybe the entirely joking part of the relationship between you two had been left behind when it had just been an Heir and his Knight. Actually… you would never tell Dave this, but you kinda think he would’ve been smart enough to realize this himself; Karkat was also a knight, the Knight of Blood.

Having long since removed his shades— he still had them even though they’d been sent jokingly years ago, it had been blatantly obvious all the Karkat talk had gotten to him. You just didn’t know why.

Heh, and at the time, you went onto deny his claim. Like always. You were not a homosexual. Ignoring the thought that just crossed your mind, you could be bi, sure, you dated girls, well tried… and if like one bad relationship counted… Ignoring the thought, you grin slightly at the play fighting that had followed your attempts to defend your straightness.

Or is that even the right way to think about it. You’re older now. Older, but not surer. You kinda hope you’re not offending someone out there…..

The shrill blare of an alarm knocks you out of your musing, good thing you set it, after all, you don’t think your ecto-sister, Jade, would forgive you that easily for missing one of the few times the four of you had a reunion.

Your name is John Egbert. But not, not really. You know a part of you got left behind the day you left him behind. Still, you are strong and as lame of a leader you might’ve been, your friends believed in you. Or uh, that’s what you thought and still think. As much as you’ve changed, you plaster your toothy smile on your face. You log off of your computer, but not pester chum, you had the mobile edition—you never know, the trolls might manage to contact you again, part of you hoped. All of you still hoped. Besides, not you are definitely not blushing, Karkat once said you owed him a Nic Cage movie marathon date. Even if it was joking. Even if you think those movies do sorta suck. Even if---

The irritating pitch of the alarm snaps you out of your thoughts again. Grab your bags, and off you go. Not to a plane, like Rose would. Not to a car, maybe Dave would drive here. Not to… uhh however Jade managed to get here so quickly, family secret she once said.

Nope, this year it is your turn to host the Christmas party. You now proceed with snatching up your bags of goodies and supplies and stuff. Set the table, stick some presents there, admire the bare pine – it would get decorated by all eight of you later, so engrossed in distracting yourself from the memories, keeping yourself busy, you almost don’t notice when the doorbell rings.

*****

A/N: By this point, I’m not sure how soon this would get finished. Ohh, and I apologize if John seems OOC. So… a potential summary unless I do finish this?

The plot might be done in three-ish chapters, but basically the eight kids {to which John would realize he forgot to mention that, as weird as seeing your guardians in teenage form was, they had been able to find each other after the game.} Part one, with inspiration of the lyrics of ‘Karkat Write a Letter’, introduces the situation, and also how John is on his one. Part two, the party would present a situation with all of the Alpha and Beta Kids, bring up the potential mystery of the trolls again, and show how John acts the same way as SBURB, Heir of Breath John did. Well, nearly, Dave would recognize a slight difference. All of them probably would, but superficially, at least on Christmas, they all know how important it is for this to go well for John… and therefore would hold off any waterworks until later. At least until after presents, or Roxy insists upon toasting to the occasion.  {other note: I’d want to portray her in a canon and proper way, but in spite of her drinking, I believe she’d be sharp witted and kind}

Somehow I’d try to work in a plot twist that the trolls have somehow been found, were on earth.. uhh something, but hopefully not too unrealistically, and in a way that could be tied to the game. {other other note: interestingly enough, everything could probably be done from Karkat’s p.o.v. as well… although I think John, and what he would do introduces this better.} This is partially inspired by a tumblr reblog, although it was Davekat, I think and how the trolls had eventually ended up on earth. For the second part of this, I’d want to flush out a somewhat plausible, or at least logically backed way of doing that. Hopefully xD.

Part the Third might have to be done a tad differently, maybe vignettes or time skips of what happens, small snippets that led up to even next Christmas in which John and Karkat are together… or, what makes more sense, is a somewhat open ended conclusion that has Johnkat reunited, but without Karkat’s side/story and more character development and plot, that might be a bit too wishy washy.  

*sigh* so much for writing a single, cute, happy short story… I really can’t fathom how my ideas shifted from a Twelve Days of Christmas inspired fic. to this … not w8, I can. Ahh, this is what happens when I listen to Karkat Write a Letter. The Christmas setting was to match the serket santa/holiday theme. Welp, time to go draw something to make up for whatever this is.

 


End file.
